THE LANDING

by Milan Gnezda

With a loud thud the Imperial dropship settled upon the dusty, red surface of the planet. The planet, named Van Diemen's Land after the explorer who first discovered it, was located far south of Imperial space yet had always held an attraction to the Imperium. Now they would finally make an attempt to settle it…

As the boarding platform opened, a tall Imperial officer wearing a crisp red uniform with dark pants and a small brown helmet stepped out of the ship. He carried himself with a certain amount of pride and behind him followed a full squad of Praetorian Guard. As they set foot upon firm, but dusty, ground a large six-foot mammalian-looking creature with a small pouch on its stomach bounded past on massive hind legs and a long, sturdy tail followed. At the same moment somewhere in a tree nearby came a great noise almost like a cross between a bird squawking and a laugh. At this one of the men spun around, his lasgun ready to fire upon anything that moved.

'Sir, the wildlife here is against us!'

'At ease, Private.' Came the reply from the officer, a very posh voice, 'They're just animals.'

This was Private Johnson's first mission and he was naturally more than a little jumpy.

It wasn't long before the guardsmen spotted some orks nearby. The first ork was bare-chested with brown pants and wore a large hat with numerous rubbery objects hanging off it over his face, and on his feet were a pair of thongs. The second ork was similarly dressed with the same sort of hat, but he also wore a white singlet and nothing on his feet.

'SIR! They're ORKS!' hollered the startled Private Johnson.

At ease, Private. Just relax, we don't want to open fire until we know how many there are. But remember, these are orks; mindless savages who won't think twice, if at all, before killing you.'

The two orks looked at the guardsmen from a distance, then at each other. While none of the orks had ever seen a human, all of them knew what one looked like.

'Hey mate, what do we have here?' asked the first ork.

'Dunno. Looks like humans. Probably army blokes.'

'Nah, can't be army; they've got a sheila with them. Humans don't have sheilas in the army, must be squatters.'

A third ork approached the others and spoke, 'Oi, what's this?'

'Humans. Squatters I think,' answered the second ork, 'Come to pay us a visit.'

'Ahhh. They look pretty friendly, wanna say G'day?'

'Yeah, why not,' started the first ork, 'they are neighbours afterall.'

With this the three orks sauntered over to the Imperial guardsmen and, when they were within only a few feet, the second ork held out his hand to the Imperial officer and spoke, 'G'day mate. Welcome to Arnhem Land. My name is Boolaloo, this is…'

At this Private Johnson snapped and began opening fire upon the hapless orks.

'Sir! They're coming right for us!'

The second ork was mowed down by a hail of lasgun fire before he knew what was happening, while the other two looked on in confusion.

'Strewth! Not very friendly blokes afterall!' pointed out the third ork just before he was vapourised by a lascannon blast.

'Blimey!' exclaimed the first ork and, picking up his axe, he strolled over to Private Johnson and, with one strong whack, embedded his axe in the soldier's skull, who promptly fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Resting his foot on the corpse, the ork gave a firm yank and pulled his axe free but, before he could take another soldier down, he was hit by a burst of lasgun fire and he too fell. The officer readied his lasgun and set off.

'Like I said men; mindless savages!'