+++PointyStick 30291
v3+++
+++by Greg+++
Gday..
The following is a memo faxed from my Games
Toolshop Meercat :
Games Toolshop Presents :
PointyStick 30291 v3
(In the grim dark future, there are only sticks. But you can hit people with them..
really.. you can.. cmon.. please.. we spent all night on this catchphrase..)
Dear Subor... er Shopowner,
We are proud to announce the release of the
newest GT game, PointyStick 30291 v3. After many years of toiling with a
"not-quite-rite" games system, we have finally come up with a product we can be
proud of. Following the old adage "If it ain't broke, go fix it", what we came
up with is a totally new game, more in line with what our market-researchers say our
gamers want. Thats right, Lots less rules and excessively expensive things that are
essential to the game!! REMEMBER, all PointyStick 30291 previous versions are now
obsolete. There is no going back. All who play must succumb to our might. All offenders
will be prosecuted, then shot, then prosecuted some more, then some more shooting.... er,
uh maby you better ignore that last bit...
RUMORS
There have been many roumors floating around
about PointyStick 30291 v3. We hope to put some of these to rest here
- One major roumor is that we have simplified
the game somewhat. While this is true, it is not an attemp by us to streamline the game
for faster, more efficient combat. Rather, our games designers got pissed the day before
the deadline and couldn't think of anything because of their hangovers.
- Please Note : While the rules have been (he he) "simlified", the new rule book
is 1067 pages long. This is not an attempt to include "everything you need in one
book", rather we had to include all these crap stories and artwork from the bosses
son, who thinks he's the next Victor bloody Hugo.
- Also, Due to size restrictions, no index or data tables could be included. Instead all
the rules are lumped into the main text.. some where.. trust us...
- In regards to races : In the need for
simplification of the rules there is now only 1 troop type available to each race. For the
"Excessive Latin Guys", this is a trooper holding the base "stick",
though this can be upgraded to "a board with a nail in it", for 20 pts.
- The "We're not excessively nice though
who can tell guys" now recieve the "Death Bunny of Corn" as their standard
troop. All marks are now genericized to ticks and crosses. Players who want A's, B's, C's
D's etc. can just imagine it.. you can imagine can't you?
- The "Things we Stole off Tolkien
Guys" are now Feral. This means they will be growing their hair long, not shaving,
getting excessive body pierceings and walking around with a severe dis-interest in life.
- Tanks have been getting a lot of adverse
press recently and we would like to clear this up. Yes they are worse than normal, in fact
they can blow up when hit by a rock on a 2+ ("Oh, gee, look another fireworks
display" - on the damage chart), yet it is our opinin that players using tanks will
compensate for this by spending more money on the game and so will buy 5 tanks to get the
effectiveness of one.
- Hand to Hand system has changed now as
well. Combatants in H2H are imagined to be embattle in a bitter game of Paper/Rock/Siz,
and as such the winner is the best 2/3.
SALES
Our sales department have come up with the
folloing market plan of the release of PointyStick 30291 v3 this fall. This involves
excessive disparagement by the so-called "veteran" players and the much nicer
new 12 year old players. This involves all Games Toolshop retail people to be in
"Excessive/ Overtly interested in you only wehen they can push some new crap on
you" mode, this is to run in tandem with the all-weather "Excessive snottyness
when giving out info about or games" mode.
The game is to go on sale 30291 seconds after
12am on September 6th because we see this as a Stupid(tm) thing to do.
Arnold Ardon is already infiltraiting a
so-called "e-mail list", in preparation for the relaese by spouting company line
and therby agitating these rebels more..
Remember the domination of the World will be
ours..
End sales transmission.
THAT'S IT
Well thats all for now, we'll be sending you
more PointyStick 30291 v3 information as the date appreaches, and remember our other Games
Toolshop game when or pushy sales rep comes by, like PointyStick : The game of fantasy
bashings, and Really Big Pointy Stick, no wait.. actually, forget we mentioned that last
one, we prefer if people paid it no attention, maby it will go away then.
Yous Sincerely
Games Toolshop Tonga..
Transmission out..
Greg..
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