Hiaworka

by Milan Gnezda

THE PLAN

Haioworka paced back and forth in his great teepee, unsure how to address the problem at hand. Nervously he began to bite his nails, a sure sign that the normally strong and calm ork warlord was stressed. Noticing this one of the elders, Walks Wiv Da Stik, spoke, 'Dey been hitting uz hard lately an' if we don' kill dem now den dey will jus' get udders to come in. Perhaps dey will even have beekees wiv dem; den we iz in strife.'

Standing Ork, another elder, responded, 'No. Dey will not get beekees for uz. Da 'oomies don' tink we iz a problem. In time dey will bring in udders, but not beekees.'

'You iz a fool, Standing Ork!' retorted Walks Wiv Da Stik, 'Dey will call in beekees. Dis iz only da start, soon da skies will be covered wit' deir ships and…'

'Now iz not da time to attack!' yelled Fat Pig Waddling, a third elder.

'If dey do not tink we iz enuff of a problem to bring beekees, den perhaps it iz time to change dat.'

All the other orks turned around as Dances Wiv Terminators spoke and silence descended upon them as they looked upon the great, old ork with reverence. Dances Wiv Terminators was already middle-aged when most of the elders were still infants and he was originally a member of the Death Skulls clan but he had spent most of his life with the tribe after crashing on the planet many decades ago. He had also fought countless Imperial forces in his day and his wisdom in such matters was unsurpassed by any ork. Unlike other orks the tribe had always placed some emphasis on wisdom over brute force and had largely maintained a prosperous nomadic lifestyle and, until now, had managed to avoid many major entanglements with the Imperium. Dances Wiv Terminators was regarded with great respect in the tribe and, on the occasion that he chose to speak, he was always listened to!

* * *

For a long time he sat in the far corner of the teepee listening to the suggestions put forward by the other elders, but now he felt they needed his guidance. He sat silent for a few more minutes, contently absorbing the silence while the orks' eyes were all laid upon, then he took three long puffs on his great pipe and finally continued, 'Da Redbloods are powerful, yes, but we can beat deir clan. Dere is enuff orkses on dis planet to win, but dey iz disorganised. Da chiefs look up to you dough, Haioworka, an' if you could just unite da tribes, den da Redbloods would have no chance. Yez, dey will help uz, but you need to make da first move, show dem dat you mean business and will not let da Redbloods destroy dem. Den dey will join you. Until now we have avoided battle wiv da Redbloods, but now dey iz trying to destroy uz. Da old wayz served uz well, but now dat iz over. Da Redblood's empire is too big an' soon dere will be nowhere left for uz to go; now it iz time for war!'

THE PROPHET

(sort of continuing from the above one, a few days later)

There was much excitement in the tribe, everyone could feel that a new age was upon them. Whether it would result in good or ill no-one could say. The warband was ready to strike at the nearby Praetorian outpost, all that needed to be done was to consult the Prophet.

Haioworka and a few of the elders trudged up the hill towards the massive totem pole erected to their great prophet, rain pouring down the faces of the orks. The tribe's weirdboy approached Haioworka and grunted as he held out a bone mug. Haioworka tossed in a few teeth and the weirdboy ran back to the totem and began his ritual dance. For the next half an hour the weirdboy danced around the great totem pole, while constantly chanting and throwing offerings to it. Haioworka knelt before the great Prophet and asked his question, 'Oh Mighty Prophet, I have one question to ask. Should we attack da Praetorians tonight, under cover ov da dark?'

The weirdboy continued dancing for a few more minutes when suddenly the ground rumbled and the surrounding countryside reverberated as the totem pole sprang to life and bellowed its response in a tremendous bass roar,

Lumber up, limbo down
The locked embrace, stumble 'round.
I say go, she say yes
Dim the lights, you can guess the rest!

At this Haioworka clapped his hands in delight and ran down the hill to tell Fat Pig Waddling the great news, 'Da Prophet has spoken! Assemble da ladz, we go tonight!'