Just another waaaaaagh!

by Asuryan

Orks love to fight, they love to fight each other. Ork society is odd in that some of it's tribes and clans are so backward and some so forward. Obviously tension is going to break out between them, we're going to take a little trip to Uzbukka Harra's world where once such break out occured, and it's consequences are waiting to be felt.

"Just you wait boss, does gitz iz our's today!" Grimfist Deadard smashed a snotling next to him in his enthusiasm. Uzbukka Harra, warboss of Uzbukka's Snortin Ladz, the snakebite tribe grinned back.

"We'll show'em dat boarz un boot leather iz az good az fancy shootas."

The war had raged for months, started by a quarrel in a drinking pit. Uzbukka had gotten in an argument with the Evil Sunz chief, Wazdazza Screacher, over how to fight a war, with boars and boot leather or with bikes and shootaz. The clans chose sides rapidly, the Bloodaxes joined the Sunz with their shootaz from the Emperor, and the Goffs sided by the Snakebites and the good ol' ways. Neither side had gotten the advantage of the other, The sunz would shoot the snakebites and the Cyboars would chase the bikes, the Blood Axe gitz would sneak into a base and blow it up, da Goffs would beat up the blood axes, a very vicious cycle that looked like it would last forever. Until Grimfist used some low cunning, and his entire horde of teeth and bought the support of the Deathskulls and the Bad Moons, with their shootas and boyz the Horde was unstoppable.

"Letz hurry dis up," Grubna Skarkra, Bigboss of the Goffs and commander of the skarboyz was getting edgy, rubbing the spike arm/ powerfist he'd taken from a Bad Moon nob the other day.

"Alright Ladz get ready." Grimfist always set the battles up, Uzbukka was a hard fighter but Mork just didn't help him much. Grubna ran up into his battlewagon that was overflowing with boyz, Grimfist's own mob of elite Snakebite Nobz on precious Cyboars lined up, now was the time to use all the cunning he had acquired over years of fighting, gripping his saddle with all his might, "CHARGE!!!"

He depressed "the little red button" and his cyboar charged off toward the evil sunz lines, lotz of shootaz flew by but it didn't matter soon he was in the think of the gitz, his boar ran over a Blood Axe and he shot a Kommandoe Kaptin through the skull with his bolt pistol, his powerfist smashed a scorcha tank setting the vehicle ablaze, another swing knocked a biker from his saddle, Then up on the summit he saw Uzbukka charging Wazdazza, the Evil Sunz mek raised his prized Shokk Attack gun and aimed it, Grimfist kicked his boar in the arse and it flew towards them, throwing himself from his saddle he knocked Uzbukka from his saddle and they fell to the ground just as a mob of snotlings materialized, screaming, just where Uzbukka would have been, Grimfist looked down to see he had knocked da boss out cold, dusted himself off and got back up, Grubna got up next to him and they both eyed Wazdazza.

WAAAAAGH!!!!!!

Grubna knocked the gun from Wazdazza's shoulder and Grimfist swung his powerfist at Wazza's face glancing him and knocking him out. Grimfist slung him on his shoulder and mounted his boar, then rode down the battle line cause Grimfist was a cunning lad. The Blood Axes upon seeing the leader of their cause on their enemie's shoulder immediatly, in a very unorky fashion laid down their weapons, and surrenedered. The evil sunz realising there wasn't much point anymore said they would join up with Uzbukka, since he was out at the moment, Grimfist decided to put them in the pens with the blood axes for now and he tosses Wazdazza in ther with them.

That evening the orks were celebrating and a huge mound of teeth as loot was about to be passed round, Grimfist the hero of the battle, marched up to the mound to collect his share, making the cost of buying allies seem small in comparison.

"Hold it right there ya skab!" Uzbukka glared at him, "No teeth for you, fer givin me dis!" He pointed angrily at his black eye. Grubna started to protest but Grimfist waved a fist at him and walked off. Angry beyond his imagination, which actually isn't that much, he stormed off through the camp and came up the holding pens for the Blood Axes and the Evil Sunz.

"Hey you is Grimfist ain't ya?"

Grimfist looked closer and saw it was Wazdazza.

"What's it to ya?"

"Overheard your bozz, tootin shame maybe you ought to go someplace else?"

"Oh yeah, like where?" Grimfist sniffed at him.

Wazdazza stared at him, "How about to da hulk dat's comin here, how about on your own waaaagh?"

Grimfist stared back "You lyin skab."

"No listen we waz gonna leave, we was tired of fightin over dis piece of dirt, gonna make our own world, we made da teleporta and da field projekta over on dat hill, dat's why we was der! Now look, we'll make you warboss, Waaagh Grimfist, sounds good doesn't it?", it did, "you can get your boyz and boarz, grubna and his ladz will join ya, even da deathskulls and bad moonz'll follow ya if you promise em loot."

Looks like Grimfist wasn't the only cunning one around. . .

With his elite mobz of snakebites and grubna's skarboyz, and a few of the deathskulls and bad moons he'd gotten to follow him they snuck away from the camp at night, led by the Kommandoes they had just released, they annoyed the orks, they kept placing a finger in front of their lips or waving their hands. Just after the horde of orks reached the mountain, Wazdazza and his meks placed da field around da huge hulk floatin in da system. Wazdazza turned on da Teleporta and the horde began to move through, then Uzbukka and his ladz showed up on the hill. Wazdazza and Grimfist looked at each other, "Now what?" they wouldn' get all the ladz through if they didn't have time, the wartraks had made up a traffic snarl as they tried to cut off the battle wagons. Just then the blood axe Kaptain showed up, he saluted smartly, turned right back around , and most of the Blood Axes following him. Wazdazza and Grimfist shared a confused shrug. Uzbukka's horde streamed off the hills, just then teams of Kommadoes rose up out of the ditches and started blastin em from their saddles, the other blood axes rose form the trenches and charged under covering fire from tanks.

"Weird ladz, I guess we'll leave em behind. Yeah."

"Hang on a minute."

Grimfist mounted his boar, and slammed the red button, charging towards Uzbukka, the ork swung his powersword at grimfist who ducked beneath it and slammed his spikearm into the orks chest, knocking him from his saddle. Jumping from his boar, he turned in a savage two handed swing with his sword, severing Uzbukka's head from his body, he bent over and picked it up in his powerfist.

"You PANZEECHEATINMEKLOVINGSKABBINGIT!!!" it screamed at him.

Grimfist crushed it in his powerfist. Very theraputic. He got on his trusty boar "Snuggles" and rode over the hill and through the teleporta.. . .

. . . and smashed straight into a bulkhead. Getting up, he pulled Snuggle's whimpering head out of the bulkhead and walked over to Wazdazza who was cleaning his shokka.

Wazdazza looked up "Good ya made it! Da ladz is read to hit der switch." The switch is a little mek device that activates a warp engine and sends the hulk into the Warp, then you hit it again and hope you end up in a solar system you can conquer, or in the middle of a star, either way it's fun.

"Some of da Bloodaxes made it onboard, oh well, they do alright. Hit it."

Wazdazza got up and walked over to a bulkhead crowded by meks, he turned a switch from green to purple, "Ere we go!!"

To be continued. . .

Editors's Note: A very ORKY story indeed!